I feel like the phrase “from now on i promise, i will be better” i say it all way to often. My “I’m Sorrys” don’t mean anything to anyone anymore..i mean it when i say it but i always screw it all up again.
today i feel a sense of a overwhelming sadness. I miss my grandma. its been 3 months and 5 days since my mimi died. i am totally binging on one tree hill today, i started with 7x16 and now i am at 7x18. Lydia and Haley. Taylor talking to Lydia in the hospital. i don’t know but one tree hill always makes me better. Tree Hill has always been my home, my town. i relate to taylor so much. i know me and my family, for whatever and a thousand reasons why..and i see taylor and her sisters, my sister emma. my mom. my grandma who died, but i was never around to ever tell her goodbye, bcz i moved away and didn’t really talk to her and didn’t see her the whole last 2 years she lived. We were so close before everything happend between my family and me+dora( me being gay) I feel like a disappointment to my parents, and my whole family. My grandma dying was so upsetting to my family, and i don’t feel like i was able really grieve with my mom, bcz i am on the outside of everything.